Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize