just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
