I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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