weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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