Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
