Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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