She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
