if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
