and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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