Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
