how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
