Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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