Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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