just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
