Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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