Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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