I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
