I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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