thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
