I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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