I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she looked like the before picture.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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