weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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