Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
