I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
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there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
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When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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