I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
