chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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