she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
