I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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