EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
