how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
