Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
