cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
be right there i have to get my cape
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize