he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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