I heard we made out
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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