Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
How's work?
Spinning.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
