My liver just broke up with me...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
