Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Congratulations! We have a period
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think I just sharted jello shots
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