i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
