Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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