My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
