happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
