We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
