ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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