I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
