first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
