Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
