bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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