What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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