He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
wow bdsm is so cute
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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