just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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