my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
