you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
