He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
