How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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