two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
