I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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