my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
