I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
