I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
