She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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