The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
