Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
