Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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