Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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