i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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