U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
