Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
