I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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